$248 can buy you something nice. Perhaps you'd like an iPod Mini. Or maybe a short cruise. Not me. I want cheese.

I won a couple hundred bucks at Damion & Bryan's 2nd Annual Oscar Gala Free-for-All Eatfest™. I more successfully predicted the Oscar winners than any of the other guests--in fact, no one even came close to me. I only got three wrong--out of 25 awards! It was $10 to play--so 200 clams ain't a bad return at all. As the winnings were rolling in Paula persuaded me to take her to dinner with the loot. Not a bad idea, I thought. I also thought I should invite the poor soul who was grading my ballot--the fella had nothing to do all night since I kept getting everything right! So I invited Matt and Paula to join me for a dinner at Artisanal, where cheese it churned into an art form.

When you walk into Artisanal, the smell of cheese is thick. It can turn off the average eater, so I've been told. But not being an average eater myself, I am always thrilled with the smell. They have a retail fromagerie in the back where you can peruse and purchase cheeses to go. The dining room itself is an open, dark-wood affair, not unlike Balthazar in feel--elegant brasserie. The menu has all the usual French suspects--steak frites, some fish, a soup or two. But it also features a selection of fondues, including a daily special fondue. A modest wine menu is on the back of the dinner menue. But then there is a separate cheese menu which features various prices for a la cart orders and a nice mix of three-selection prepared cheese flights, paired with optional accompanying wines.

For this dinner we decided to have a couple appetizers and then two cheese flights, with a single bottle of wine. We started with the three-cheese, three-onion French Onion Soup. It's richer than any onion soup you've ever eaten, with a dark savory broth, crusty bread within, and topped with a bubbling hot layering of three cheeses. We paired this with a Stilton fondue. Blue cheese melting over a flame at your table is one of the best things one can indulge in in this life. We ordered apples and beef tips along with the included bread cubes for dipping in the sauce. The beef was cooked medium rare and was tender and flavorful. The cheese itself was powerful, but not pungent, and as it went down in volume it went up in temperature--to the point where we had to put the flame out for fear of burning ourselves on boiling cheese!

Our shared entree consisted of two cheese flights from the menu. The first of these was called "Unusual Ones." We ate a Corsican sheep cheese called fleur du Maquis, which had a saltiness to it we all adored. Also on the plate: trifulin, a mild and delicious sheep's cheese from Italy. This flight was also to include a Cabecou Schnaps, a French goat cheese, but when served we were informed they had run out of it and a different cheese had been substituted. The substitute was a chocolate goat cheese--yes, chocolate--that tasted like unsweetened cocoa blended into cream cheese. I hated it. The server could see we were disappointed in it, and graciously brought out a fourth "unusual" cheese called Robiolla Vite, an Italian goat cheese wrapped in some kind of leaf. It was citrusy, aged, and fantastic.

The second flight was called the "Aromatic Trio." In this we had a Swiss sheep's cheese called Stanser Schafchas, a French Lavarot (from cow's milk)--both of which were delicious but paled in intensity when compared to the third cheese. The Brescianella Stagionata was nicknamed by our table "Toe Jam Sponge." It was served in a small ceramic dish, and was naturally divided up into mushroom-sized balls of spongy pale cheese. It was very stinky. It had a consistency I'd never tasted in cheese before. I think my companions were less enthused than I, but to me it was a perfect cheese experience--completely over the top. They got some stinky cows in Italy!

This artery-obliterating feast was preceded by a couple gin martinis, and accompanied by a great Spanish wine--Montecillo Rioja Reserva. For dessert we ordered some cookies, which I--the cookie monster himself--couldn't even eat one of, but after dinner drinks went down just fine. I had a amber-colored grappa that tasted like fresh grapes (in fire water), while Paula and Matt each had a glass of dessert wine.

It was an indulgent evening to say the least, and at less than $85 per head a bargain. Here's to Johnny Depp--his loss was my win I'm afraid. Sorry, Johnny!